I am not a healthcare professional.  But if there's one thing that I’ve learned during all of the madness of my life for the past 5 years, it's how to keep myself from going over the edge.  So much feels, and quite frankly, CAN ACTUALLY BE, out of our control.  And I consider myself really lucky to have been living with a high level of uncertainty for a while now.  It's trained me to be able to sit with things, observe them and allow them to unfold with limited despair.  And in 5 years of wondering if I'd be homeless, or if I'd lose my kids, or if I'd die… I've noticed a trend;  it's never as bad as I worry it will be, and in most cases it's exponentially better than it ever was.   

 And so I wanted to share 4 incredibly powerful, yet seemingly insignificant, things that I do every day that I honestly credit with making all the difference in my life as I’ve dealt with the effects of long term abuse, repeated trauma and two cancer diagnoses: 

1. Write two pages of a pep talk to myself every morning(this includes writing things I'm grateful for, things that are going well, however small, how I want my life to be and all manner of nice things about myself)

2. Meditate for at least 15 minutes (I'm pretty sure I'm not even doing this right... but even doing it wrong has been HUGELY helpful in remaining clear and calm in most situations, which means my decisions are better)

3. Make my bed – again, seems insignificant, but it's huge. It sends a message to myself and to the universe that I’m going to be proactive and do what is necessary to move forward in a positive way.

 These are 3 of 4 things that I do and have done nearly EVERY DAY since January 1, 2018.  And they've had profound, cumulative effects.  But they've also just made each individual moment of very uncertain times for me livable and some, dare I say, enjoyable!  I actually schedule my day around these things now (if I have a shoot at 7am, I set my alarm for 4:00am to make sure I have time). That’s how important they’ve become. 

 So many of us are exposed to and enticed by this “New Year, New Me” mentality that implies that we can jump from being unhappy and unmotivated one day, to being the can’t-stoppiest, won’t-stoppiest person on the gram.  And then we’re really hard on ourselves when we can’t find our way there.  

 But that’s like expecting to jump from a valley to a mountaintop in one go.  I didn’t go from being a shell of a human being and sick with cancer, to being healthy, happy and finding true love overnight.  I had to mend damage, put out fires, and really just survive for a bit.  And then I had to start consistently giving myself the time and love that I’d been denied for so long.  And it all started with these, seemingly small, things.  

 So what’s the 4th one?  There’s one more thing that I started doing in 2018, not just for me, but also with my kids, that I’d like to share with you as well… but it’s so important… so powerful… so profound… that it deserves it’s own post.  If you know me well (or even if you don’t know me at all but were within earshot and said something unkind to yourself in my presence), you may know what it is.  It’s a big one.  And it’s probably been the biggest player in my transformation.  

 I can’t wait to share it with you.   Until then, see if you can choose one of the other 3 things to start implementing in your own life for one week.  Baby steps get you there.  Just walk in the direction you want to go.