How to Help Kids Who Over-Apologize and Learn to Stand Tall

Does your child say “sorry” all the time—even when they haven’t done anything wrong?

Maybe they apologize for asking a question, taking up space, needing help, or simply being themselves. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and your child isn’t either. Over-apologizing is a common sign of people-pleasing in kids, and it often stems from a deep desire to feel accepted, safe, or unproblematic.

In this post, we’ll explore:

• Why kids say sorry too much
• The emotional cost of over-apologizing
• How to support your child in building healthy boundaries and self-worth
• Tools you can use—including children’s books about people-pleasing like The Sorry Monster

💬 Why Kids Apologize Too Much

Children are naturally empathetic and want to stay connected to others. But when that empathy turns into constant guilt or self-erasure, it can signal underlying issues like:

• Fear of upsetting others
• Low self-esteem
• Anxiety or perfectionism
• A learned pattern of keeping the peace at any cost

Over time, this can lead to people-pleasing behaviors that follow them into adolescence and adulthood.

🧠 The Problem with Over-Apologizing

When kids get stuck in the “sorry cycle,” it can affect how they:

• Set and maintain boundaries
• Speak up for themselves
• Build healthy relationships
• Feel confident in their decisions

Apologizing when they’re genuinely wrong is healthy. But apologizing for existing, for having needs, or for saying no sends the message that their presence is a problem.

📘 How The Sorry Monster Can Help

This is where stories can be powerful teaching tools.

The Sorry Monster is a picture book created for children who say sorry too much and struggle with people-pleasing. Written by Trish Michael, this empowering story introduces kids to a lovable monster who helps them recognize when “sorry” is needed—and when it’s not.

It’s one of the few children’s books about over-apologizing that tackles this emotional habit with warmth, humor, and compassion.

What Kids Learn from The Sorry Monster:

• The difference between empathy and self-erasure
• That their voice matters, even if it feels big
• That saying “no” or speaking up doesn’t make them “bad”
• That they don’t need to shrink to be loved

This book is especially helpful for:

• Sensitive or anxious children
• Kids ages 5–10 who people-please
• Parents and therapists looking for emotional development tools
• Bedtime readers that build emotional vocabulary

➡️ Click here to get The Sorry Monster and help your child stop saying sorry for being themselves.

🛠️ Additional Tips to Help Kids Build Confidence and Boundaries

Aside from books, here are simple ways to support kids who over-apologize:

1. Model Confident Language

Let your child hear you say things like:
“I made a mistake, but I’m still learning,” or
“I’m not sorry for taking care of myself.”

2. Use a “Do I Need to Say Sorry?” Chart

Create a fun printable to help your child decide when an apology is appropriate—and when it’s unnecessary.  You can use examples of alternate things you can say from The Sorry Monster book

3. Validate Their Feelings Without Reinforcing Guilt

Instead of saying, “You don’t need to say sorry again,” try:
“I see that you care. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

4. Celebrate Assertiveness

Praise moments when they use their voice respectfully—even if it’s uncomfortable for them (or you).  

Helping your child break free from over-apologizing starts with awareness—and with tools that speak to their heart in a language they understand.

The Sorry Monster is more than a story—it’s a step toward self-worth, one “not sorry” at a time.

Want to help your child say “yes” to themselves more often?
👉 Order The Sorry Monster today