Facing a court battle with a narcissist can be overwhelming, to say the least. Narcissists thrive in conflict, twist narratives, and attempt to manipulate perceptions to maintain control. And it all can become a game of trying to break you so you appear to be unstable, overly emotional or fit their narrative that you're the problem.  If you’re preparing for court, it’s essential to center yourself, gather strong evidence, and protect your emotional well-being.

Below are strategies to help you feel prepared, focused, and strong.

1. Document Everything Meticulously

Narcissists often gaslight and deny previous statements or actions. Your best protection is thorough documentation.

• Keep texts, emails, and voicemails in organized folders.
• Record dates, times, and details of incidents in a journal or digital log.
• Save screenshots and back up evidence in multiple places.

When possible, keep communication written rather than verbal... this can also help you avoid escalation of issues, which you don't need.

2. Stay Grounded in Facts, Not Emotion

In court, emotional outbursts can work against you, especially if the narcissist paints you as “unstable.”

• Present facts calmly and clearly.
• Use short, direct answers.
• Avoid getting pulled into their attempts to bait or provoke you.

Think of yourself as the anchor in the storm: steady, factual, and calm.  This is HARDER THAN IT SEEMS.  I remember when my own lawyers were running test questions to prepare me for trial I could feel myself getting really defensive and the defensiveness  getting worse as the questions went on.  So make sure you PRACTICE. 

3. Anticipate Manipulation Tactics

There's a good chance your Narcissist will:

• Play the victim
• Spread half-truths or outright lies
• Use charm on the judge or professionals
• Attempt to trigger your emotions

By knowing these tactics ahead of time, you’ll be less likely to be caught off guard. Prepare yourself mentally: expect it, don’t react to it.  It's not easy... my Narc tends to hire lawyers who are quite gifted at lying themselves and create new version of the narrative, or even total opposite version of a previously attempted narrative and it's so ridiculous it still gets me sometimes, because I'm just like... you guys... come on... am I the only one seeing this?  At this point, it's laughable.  But when I'm in it, I'm usually also dealing with PTSD from years of this type of abuse and it can really pull me off my game.  Just remember, one day you will laugh at the absurdity.  Until then, do your best to let as much of it slide right off your back as possible.

4. Build a Strong Support Team

Don’t do this alone. Surround yourself with people who can help you stay grounded:

• A knowledgeable attorney experienced in high-conflict custody or divorce cases with a Narcissist is so.very.important.  I've done both self represented and with lawyers.  DO.NOT.GO.UNREPRESENTED.  Get a lawyer.  If you can't afford it, take out a loan.
• A trusted therapist or counselor to help regulate your emotions who has experience with Narcissistic Abuse.
• Friends or family who know and understand your reality and can provide perspective and encouragement
• Having advocates in your corner will make the process less isolating.  There are many people who are getting or are divorced from non-Narcs who will simply not understand what you're going through.  Find people who understand and only take advice from people who've been where you are and are now where you want to be. 

5. Focus on What Matters

Evidence and the best interests of child(ren). Stay aligned with these priorities:

• Provide clear, relevant proof rather than long emotional explanations.
• Keep the focus on your child’s well-being, not your ex’s flaws.
• Show your ability to provide a safe, stable, and supportive environment.

6. Practice Self-Care, Especially Before Court

This is probably the most important one.  Court can be draining (who are we kidding, the whole process is draining... court is just where you get put on display). Taking care of your body and mind helps you show up calm and clear.  

• Get adequate sleep (especially the night before.... I know... it'll be hard... I listen to healing frequency music on youtube and positive affirmations when I can't sleep)
• Eat something nourishing to maintain energy.
• Practice grounding exercises, meditation, or affirmations.
• Bring water and snacks if permitted—you may be there for hours and being properly hydrated (and not hangry) can help your brain work when you need it to.

Remember, self care is cumulative... so doing a face mask and drinking tea the night before court will not be as effective as carving out 5-10 minutes every day to meditate.  Make self-care a daily practice.  It will help you in so many ways.

8. Protect Your Emotional Energy

Narcissists thrive when they see you unravel. Don’t give them that power.

• Limit contact.  Avoid unnecessary conversations.
• Visualize a protective barrier between you and them.
• Create yourself a mantra.  This may sound silly, but I did this with my youngest daughter after years of losing in court, and we won. Our mantra was: We Find the Helpers and We are Believed.  We said it every day together. It helped her to feel confident to speak her truth.  And it rewired years of losing.

Preparing for court with a narcissist isn’t just about legal strategy; it’s about protecting your peace and resilience. By staying grounded in facts, documenting thoroughly, and taking care of your emotional health, you strengthen not only your case but also yourself.

I didn't win a lot in court.  I had to learn to find the wins within the losses.  A lot of my journey involved being stripped of my ability to protect my kids and having to find other ways to help and protect them. That's what lead to my children's books.  Words I wrote for my own kids when all I had was my words and my love to try and help them through.  These books are now helping tens of thousands of families deal with high-conflict divorce, heal from trauma and find ways to find peace in the chaos of Narcissistic Abuse.   

Check out my best-selling 8 book bundle here →