Why the Real Issue Is Recognition… Not Gender
If you’ve ever searched “Are narcissists more commonly men than women?” you’re not alone.
I see this argument quite a bit in the Narcissist abuse recovery community. And though statistics often show that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is diagnosed more often in men than in women, that’s only part of the story.
The truth is far more complex… and what really matters isn’t who’s more likely to be a narcissist… it’s how to recognize who the Narcissist is and who the victim really is so we can best support victims and their kids after the abuse happens.
The Reality of Narcissism and Gender
According to studies, narcissistic personality disorder is diagnosed in about 75% men and 25% women.
But diagnosis rates don’t tell the whole truth.
Narcissistic behavior… control, manipulation, gaslighting, emotional withdrawal… doesn’t care about gender.
Women can be narcissists just as men can.
The difference lies in how society interprets those behaviors.
- When a man is the victim, society often tells him to “man up.”
- When a woman is the victim, she’s more likely to be offered help and resources.
That imbalance leaves many male victims of narcissistic abuse isolated, disbelieved, and unsupported… even when they are enduring emotional, financial, or psychological abuse behind closed doors.
Why Men Struggle to Be Believed
Narcissistic abuse in men is severely underreported because of societal conditioning.
Men are often taught:
- Not to show emotion.
- Not to admit fear or pain.
- Not to speak up when something feels wrong.
So, when they do experience narcissistic manipulation… gaslighting, emotional withholding, financial control, or public humiliation… it often goes unseen or dismissed.
They may hear:
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “Men can’t be abused by women.”
But they can. And they are.
Why the Question Itself Misses the Point
So… are narcissists more commonly men than women?
The statistics may be swayed and in reality… it doesn't matter.
What matters is that you're able to get help. The behaviors… manipulation, gaslighting, projection, control… are the same. And the damage is the same too, to the stable adults and kids involved.
What matters is education and recognition.
The goal isn’t to label men or women as the problem… it’s to help all people recognize abuse and begin to heal.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse… For Everyone
Whether you’re a man who’s been emotionally controlled, a mother raising children after narcissistic abuse, or a child caught in the middle… the path to healing begins with truth, safety, and compassion.
That’s why I write healing books and resources for families and kids recovering from narcissistic abuse. And that's why they are all written in a neutral way, with no gender bias.
Each book helps to rebuild the foundation that narcissists often destroy… confidence, self-worth, and emotional safety.
📘 Find Your Happy … teaches emotional resilience and self-kindness
📗 LIGHT … shows how to set boundaries and honor your truth
📙 The Sorry Monster … helps stop people-pleasing and reclaim confidence
📕 I Feel Super … empowers readers to rediscover their inner strength
These trauma-informed books are written for kids, teens, and adults… and they’re just as powerful for fathers, sons, and men as they are for mothers and daughters.
👉 Explore the full healing collection here:
https://www.trishmichael.com/collections/books
Narcissistic abuse doesn’t discriminate… but society’s response often does. And I'm hopeful that the more I share my story, and the more I bring light to the behaviors and red flags, the more we'll be able to recognize the problem and start to heal from it.
Whether you’re male or female, if you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, your pain is valid.
You deserve to be heard.
You deserve to heal.
And together, we can create a world where survivors of all genders are believed… and supported.
